letter of thanks

 

Happy-

We buried you 16 days ago.  It has been nearly 2 months since I last heard that beautiful southern voice call me “Leigh, dah-lin’”.

Contrary to the way that I have handled every difficult situation up until losing you, I have yet to cry the type of cry that truly lets one release and grieve.   A part of me is afraid that when I do finally succumb and allow this process to begin that it will be then that I really lose you; however, I am starting to understand that you left me the greatest gifts possible- ones that means I will never truly be without you.

My earliest memories are of you with me at the cottage—letting us play in the creek, gardening in the secret garden, showing me what it meant to truly love someone the way you loved Gramps.  I was always so proud to tell anyone who might listen that you, Happy, were my grandmother.  Always a lady, dressed to perfection, and always with a huge smile on your face- you were the true definition of a southern belle- and are exactly the woman I aspire to one day become.

My favorite memories are the memories from church.  You and daddy are the reason I have the relationship I do with the Lord.  I realize there is so much I need to work on in that respect, but I also know that now, more than ever, I need Him, and I have you with Him to help me in my Christ-filled journey. 

Holding your hand in the last few weeks, your unwavering faith struck me in a way I find difficult to explain in words.  Your body was fighting and exhausted, your mind clouded with fatigue and illness, and yet you held my hand the last day I saw you and sang every word of Great Is Thy Faithfulness.  Before you took your last breath, you told daddy that you were ready for Heaven—even when you were wearied and frightened you had every faith that the Lord was bringing you home.

I know that in my walk with Christ that I am going to find myself missing you every step along the way- but I am coming to realize that I will also become more intertwined with your gracious nature and love for Christ and mankind. 

Every morning since we lost you, I have repeated your favorite saying, and I can still hear your sweet voice and smile, as you would tell us,

“God has a plan for every man,

I put my life in his outstretched hand,

And as he promised, now I find-

Love, and truth, and peace of mind.”

I know that you saw the turn out of people who came to say good-bye to you.  I was floored by the sheer volume of people who came to our family to tell us how much you and the family you nurtured meant to them.  This is strange, but I can not remember a time where I was more proud to be a Williford.  You and granddaddy were the type of people that touched people to their core wherever yall went. 

I know I am soon going to begin the process of grieving you, and I anticipate that being difficult as can be.  But I also anticipate that once those feelings of loss begin to feel less fresh that I will be overcome by the gifts you gave me- my desire to become one with Christ, the honor of being a part of the Williford family, and the love and devotion of the perfect father that you so flawlessly raised.

It is largely because of your influence that I have started to become the woman I am today.  I can only hope that I can one day be the lady you were.  The love of a devoted husband, the relentless love and dedication to your children, your ability to be the perfect hostess, and your unwavering faith are just a few of the facets I so strongly admire about the woman you were.  I never thanked you for being the role model you were (and are, and always will be), but you are hugely responsible for my desire to build the perfect family, to love a good man with all my heart, to raise my children to love and understand the Lord, and to do good in my community wherever I go.

I cherish every memory and lesson, Happy.  I love you, and miss you everyday.